ENTRY 11:

Someone's go and someone's come.






You might fall in and eventually fall out.





In this life, nothing is certain. Its true.






Memories and feelings are meant to fade. 










Before... Makita ko lang ang name nya sa notification ko halos magkarerahan na ang puso kong lumabas ng katawan ko. I-meesage or i-chat nya lang ako halos mamatay na ako sa kaba at sobrang saya.







Ngayon? Wala ng nagkakarerahan at kumakabog sa dibdib ko pag nakikita kita sa notification ko. Pag sa message or chat wala ng kaba at excitement tulad ng dati. Pero inaamin ko na masaya ako. I can't say that the feelings was totally gone but it was fading. Its not the same as before.








Does it mean I'm slowly moving on?








Marami na nga atang nagbago at magbabago. Hindi na ako tumatambay ng profile nya para tignan isa-isa ang recent activity nya. Na-realized ko na lang na, nakakapagod rin pala? One of my friend was right, darating rin talaga yung tme na mapapagod ako.







May be I was wrong in a thought that he still had the same impact to me. Or may he really does? I am not yet sure. Hindi ko masasabi unless makita ko ulit sya ng harapan.





Sabi nga nila wala daw permanente sa mundo. Lahat nagbabago. Hindi ko alam kung kelan nagsimula maging ganito, basta I just realized na parang hindi na tulad ng dati ang feelings ko for him.... for my blue.






But then again. Let me clarify that it was not TOTALLY gone. Its just that I can feel that it SLOWLY FADING AWAY.








Yes. There were times that I am still thinking of him.
Yes. There were times I feel nothing but missing him.
Yes. He still dropping by in my dreams.
Yes. He can still make me smile.








BUT the abnormal and crazy heart beat was not there.












Talagang lilipas at lilipas rin ang mga bagay, lalo na't hinid ito napagtutuunan ng pansin.



Everything has its own time.


I know, the right time for me to move on from this guy will come... eventually.


I must and I need to look forward for me to find the right one.







Sabi nga nila:



"Sometimes, all you need is a broken heart to realize that something even better is in front of our eyes, just waiting to be found."












I am just afraid na baka kung kelan ako nag-let go, doon naman nya ma-realize ang bagay na matagal ko ng na-realize. Assuming na kung assuming, I am just stating the possibility.




Sana hanggang maaga, hanggang hindi pa ako tuluyang bumibitaw sa feelings ko para sa kanya, ma-realize na nya ang bagay na 'yon.










I know that I may sound hoping.




Well yes. I guess you're right.




I still have this little hope in me.




Hope that he realize this things soon.

ENTRY 10:

HEY! You know what, nagparamdam na sya ulit... through facebook nga lang, not bad di ba?


He commented on my friend's status update wherein I was tagged in.










/quote


He: ....


My friend: *his name was tagged in* ?


He: *I was tagged in* Musta ang review?


//quote










Yiiiiieeee! It made my night so good. I was actually tired and a little bit stressed because of our upcoming pre board but because of that... everything became good! With just one snapped my stress had gone.




I didn't expect that I will still be happy because of him... that he still have the same impact to me.  :)






This coming Tuesday, my best friend and I will be visiting our alma mater. I don't know if I am going to be excited or what but one thing is for sure I am a nervous! *O*

ENTRY 9: MISSING HIM? O.o

I hate times like this...




Times that I am missing him...






Ayoko ng pakiramdam na nami-miss ko sya, it bring me sadness and the pain also goes back. Pag sya ang nagiging topic or anything na related sa kanya dun ako nakakaramdam ng pagka-miss, at kasabay ng pagre-reminisce ay ang pagbalik ng heartache(s).






Lalo na ngayon at rainy season na, mas nakakadagdag ng pagiging emotional ang buhos ng ulan.






I know I shouldn't miss him cause I know he don't. Pero anung magagawa ko?






Ilang months pa lang since the last time I saw him, but I already missed him badly. How much more if it takes years? Sana naman magsawa ang puso ko pati na rin isip ko sa kakaisip sa kanya. :'(










How I wish I can get him off of my mind....














and my heart....

ENTRY 8: Tssss

I just noticed ha... every time na online ako sa facebook sya naman ang biglang mag-ooffline. Wala pang one minute makikita ko biglang wala na sya sa online friends ko. Tsss. Don't tell me ngayon namin tinutuloy ang 'Hide and Seek' na sinabi nya dati?










Before kasi sabi nya tinataguan ko sya. Pag online sya ako naman daw ang biglang offline but the fact is mobile lang ang gamit ko nun. He even post in JPIA group na tinataguan ko sya >////////////< I admit kinilig ako dun. Hahaha!








Anyway, back to the topic na. Tingin ko he's avoiding me na talaga but WHY? Hindi na nga kami nag-kita bago ako grumaduate tapos hindi man lang ako magawang kamustahin kahit sa chat lang? O baka naman ako ang hinihintay nyang mag-chat sa kanya? Pero duh! Ako ang babae ang panget naman pag ako ang na una di ba? Psh. Kainis. Kahit simpleng 'Hello' wala. Liar talaga sya. Sabi nya dati baka hindi ko na sya pansinin pero sino kaya sa tingin nya ang hindi man lang magparamdam. -_________-










HEP! I sounds like disappointed right? Well, I am. :'(

ENTRY 7: Someone I called BLUE...

Hey! You know what? I have someone I really like. I secretly in-like with him for more than one year, its funny each time I remember how much effort I put to keep this feelings as a secret. Even though he's opposite to my ideal guy, even though he hurts me several times already, give me a hard time and cause me too much confusion, I still like him and it seems like I cannot stop myself from liking him... may be only time and distance can help me to forget and move on.








Wanna know who's this someone special to me?










Well, lemme describe him...






He's tall -- 5'9 ang height nya if I'm not mistaken...




He's not that so gwapo but malakas talaga ang dating nya...




He's sporty and a good dancer too. 




He's taking up the same course as mine but unfortunately lower year sya (watdaaa! anung unfortunately? Lol). Obviously he's younger than me.




Actually he's a transferee...




He's mischievous and talkative but I can say na may sense of humor sya...




He's friendly, especially to girls...




He's a joker...




He's a flirt... (no offences, I just stating a fact)




and




He's sweet in his own way...
















Lagi nya akong binabati ng "Hi!" or "Hello!" pag nakikita nya ako, minsan bigla na lang nya ako tatawagin. 


Lagi nya akong pinapansin, kinakausap at kinukulit kahit na dinededma at sinusungitan ko sya and by that, I can say na mahaba ang pasensya nya and matyaga sya, dalawang school year kasi syang ganun sa'kin, by the way! he's not courting me or anything huh?


He's sweet at some point.
He used to show me sweet gestures and tell me sweet things.
One time he shows me that he care for me, yun yung time na may sakit ako.
One time he kneel down in front of me but I'm not sure if he also used to that in other girls.
Lagi rin syang nagbibigay ng compliment at nagsasabi ng good things about me, lagi syang bumabanat at nagjo-joke, tsaka lagi rin syang nangti-trip... kaya most of the times hindi ko alam kung totoo ba ang sinasabi at pinapakita nya. Seriously, halos lahat ng sinabi at pinakita nya? Tanda ko pa, even though one and half years na ang lumipas I still clearly remember most of those.












This someone special made me happy... really really happy!  (but he's not aware of that, he thought that I don't like him..)




This someone special makes me experience my first heartache then suddenly leads to my first heartbreak...












This someone special made me fall in love with him but unfortunately he didn't catch me... funny right? :( 






Anyway, I don't feel any regrets liking him... or should I say loving him? He will always have a place in my heart.












By the way, I called this someone special to me as....  "BLUE."

ENTRY 6: I dunno...

Sometimes, I wonder what love really is. (not the love to your family and friends but love to your opposite sex, or should I say to someone special)








Kung anu ba talaga ang pakiramdam pag in-love ka na sa isang tao.








Kasi ako? hindi ko pa rin talaga alam. Until now, hindi ko pa rin ma-distinguished kung ano ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. Yaaah. I liked him for more than a year already, kung tutuusin ilang months na lang two years na. But still, I don't know kung ano talaga ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya.








I don't know if its still infatuation or love already... pero teka, anu nga ba ang pinagka-iba ng dalawa? I really dunno :(








Maraming explanation ang love...




Sabi nila masarap daw ma-in love. They said that it gives you so much happiness and can cause you too much heartbreaks.




Love is sacrifice...




and may nagsabi rin ng




Love waits...






It seems simple to understand pero parang lang its really complicated, isn't it?







Sabi ng mga friends ko, bata pa kasi ako... I mean, hindi sa edad, bata ako mag-isip at wala pang masyadong experience pagdating sa ganitong bagay. Well, aminado naman talaga ako, I'm immature and sort of childish and talagang wala akong alam sa ganitong bagay kaya ng dumating sya sa buhay ko nabulabog ang lahat.












He makes me happy na umabot sa point na hanggang panaginip ko andun sya, napapasaya nya ko na nagmimistulan na akong baliw at some point kasi tumatawa akong mag-isa and its because of him. He makes my heart beat faster... he makes it jump! He cause me sleepless night kasi hindi makatulog kakaisip sa kanya.












But also.... he cause me too much heartbreaks. He became a source of my depression and destruction too. Its not his fault anyway, kasi hindi naman sya aware sa nararamdaman ko para sa kanya kaya wala syang kamalay-malay na may nasasaktan na sya. I cried because of him not just once... not just twice.... not just thrice... but it was four times! For Peter's sake, its my first time to cry because of a guy.








If I experienced happiness at the same time heartbreaks because of him... is it already love? What do you think?








If that so...








then his my first love?








Still... I'm not sure of it. I will, figure it out.... soon!

ENTRY 5: O.o?

Ang ideal type ko sa isang guy dati ay:


- gwapo
- chinito
- matangos ilong
- matangkad
- maputi
- mabait
- loyal
- responsable
- understanding
- serious type
- suplado/masungit pero sweet.




Malakas naman maka-attract sa'kin ang nagsusuot ng salamin.




napaka-choosy ko nung high school ako actually hanggang mag-college, kaya wala pa kong naging boyfriend kasi ganun kataas ang standards ko.






Until I met him...




Third year college ako that time...






Hanggang ngayon hindi ko alam kung paano at bakit ko sya nagustuhan, he's totally opposite of my ideal guy. =______=




He talks a lot, mas madaldal pa sya sa'kin, but I admit my sense of humor sya. Makulit sya. He's a joker! I don't know kung kelan sya seryoso kasi parang lahat dinadaan sa biro, He's some kinda flirt? I know its bad but its true. He's immature and afraid of rejection.


But in fairness, matangkad sya and may itsura rin naman. Malakas ang karisma nya, I think? A lot of girls used to like him. He's also sporty and a good dancer. And one more thing, he is sweet in his own way.








I used to like him despite of the fact na kabaligtaran nya ang hinahanap ko sa isang lalaki...


I used to like him even though he's younger than me...


I used to like him kahit na flirt sya at mahilig mag-joke...


I used to like him kahit puro confusion lang ang binibigay nya sa'kin...




Siguro totoo nga ang sinasabi nila, pag nag-beat daw ang heart mo sa isang tao wala ka ng magagawa kahit na hindi sya ang dream guy mo. Wala talagang pinipili ang puso.




Since I met him nagbago na ang standard ko, madami ng nabawas. When he asked me kung anu daw ba ang gusto ko sa guy? My answers are: understanding, sincere, mahaba ang pasensya and height matters for me. Dagdag points na lang ang chinito sa'kin but its not a big factor anymore unlike before.






Gusto ko kasi maramdaman na sincere ang isang tao, lalo na sya, sa lahat ng pinapakita at sinasabi nya sa'kin sa case kasi nya hindi ko maramdaman, kahit sinabi nyang gusto nya ko hindi pa rin ako kuntento kaya siguro nadagdag ang sincerity sa qualifications ko ngayon. Wala kasi akong maramdaman na sincerity sa kanya.




Minsan iniisip ko mabuti na rin at nakilala ko sya, mabuti na ring nagustuhan ko sya... kasi kung hindi? malamang ganun pa rin kataas ng standard ko sa lalaki, because of him nagbago lahat.




** Pero syempre, malakas pa rin talaga ang epekto sa'kin pag suplado/masungit ang dating nung guy. Madalas pa rin talaga akong ma-attract sa may salamin and mahilig ako sa long legged! (o^^o)






Sya na talaga ang nagpabago ng qualifications ko sa isang lalaki.




Somehow, thankful ako sa kanya for that. :)